Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
