she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just high enough for therapy.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
