Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize