I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
