First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dignity is for republicans.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
