Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
