ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
