I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
