everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
