Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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