just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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