I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
