I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
