I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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