Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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