He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
