those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
