i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
