you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
