I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
