he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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