I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
