Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize