do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
