I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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