I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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