Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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