do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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