It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
