i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
