why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
