Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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