I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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