I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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