Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
