my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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