I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
