birth control should be required to get into college
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
