She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
