You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
