I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
