wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
