new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
