I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
