im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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