i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
