How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
