What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I need water and some morals
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
