we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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