using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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