She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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