i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
