I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think I sprained my soul last night
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
