Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
