So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
