Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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