i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
