I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
