So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
