come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
