But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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