Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
