i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
