I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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