If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
