Please, let me fuck your mom
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize