Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
