FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
