How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
