I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
