he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
